and how are you today?

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I’m graduating in two weeks. College is over. Now what?

I’ve been feeling unsettled because I don’t understand why it’s so easy for me to let these 3.5 years go. Everyone says “Stay in college as long as possible” or they start getting all nostalgic and emotional the weeks before they graduate. I’m just ready to go. Here I am, in a hurry once again to move on to the next stage of my life. I can never just be happy with where I am, can I?

I feel almost…inhuman for letting go so easily. I mean, sure, college has been a huge part of my life, and I don’t regret anything that has happened. But the fact that I’m saying goodbye without hesitation makes me think that I didn’t take full advantage of my experience — that I didn’t make relationships that will last a lifetime or memories that are worth reliving forever. I really hope that’s not true.

Because of this, I’d like to take the next couple of weeks to make sure that I leave feeling like my time is done here (wow, that sounds so…final). Filling my last days as an undergrad student with plenty of heart-to-hearts, letting everything out, and making the most of what college has to offer. Let’s see if I can make up for all the lost time of the past three years in the next twelve days.

new [ad]venture: http://allysona.tumblr.com/

[almost] daily updates.

because i want to remember.

it’s funny.

it’s like the world is crashing down, and I’m watching it with my eyes open.

And I’ve never been calmer.

don’t stress.

i think i need to start following my own advice.

to be honest, i’m a complete mess right now.

i’m just very good at hiding it.

when you find friends that work, you’ll know it.

It’s the pick-up-where-you-left-off-even-if-its-been-months kinda friendship. Laughing until your crying. Understanding without words. Inside jokes that no one else gets. And bringing up memories that happened 8 years ago and realizing nothing has changed.

If you find friendship like that, keep it forever because you really don’t need anything else.

i love my friends. They set some high standards.

find the silver lining.
even if you have to paint it on yourself.

I’ve made the best discovery of my life. Microsoft Office OneNote. Wow, I am a nerd. I just spent the last hour making lists and pages of things I don’t even need. To-do lists, travel itineraries, my class lecture notes for next semester. I can’t even explain how excited I am. I’m writing this blog using OneNote right now because I can. Amazing.

I’m starting to wonder if my obsession with organization is actually counterproductive. I think I spend more time writing lists than crossing things off of them. I’m in love with my label maker and I rearrange my closet according to color at least once a week. I like being able to see everything in front of me. No surprises, no guessing. Just what’s there is there, exactly as it should be. But once everything is where it’s supposed to be, what’s Step 2? That’s where my problem starts. What good is organization if you have nowhere to go from there?

In other news…

• Home is bleh. Always is. I’m in fast-forward mode again. Ready to move out and move on.
  
• If there is anything I could pause right now, it would be my relationship. I honestly think it’s the best we’ve ever been, but it still makes me wonder…the beginning of something that will only get better or the calm before the storm? I’m in this enough to want to find out.
  
• I like being able to sit with the same people you hung out with 10 years ago and feel exactly the same. That’s the most comforting feeling in the world. Good friends are hard to find. If you have them, don’t let them go. Bonfires, bowling, board game nights. I seriously remember these nights from years ago. And yet we haven’t skipped a beat.
  
• I love my family. Enough said.
  
• Inception = amazing movie. Yup, still in love with Joseph Gordon Levitt. Ever since the 10 Things I Hate About You days
  

   
   

  everything has a place.

  everything in its place.

  guess I’m still trying to find mine.

   
   

   
   

hm, back to writing. let’s see how this goes.

i have a love/hate relationship with summer days full of nothingness.

the good thing about them is that i have a lot of time to think. the bad thing about them is that i have a lot of time to think.

no, that was not a typo.

it’s funny that i thought i was going to be an engineer just a year ago. i was made for psychology. i over-analyze everything: every single aspect of my life — the way i think, the way i feel. i even over-analyze everyone else’s lives. let me tell you, it is not a fun habit. you start to spend more time thinking, less time doing. Even worse, less time living.

The good thing about it is that things start to slowly come together and actually make sense. I am who I am, and I’ve learned to accept it. There’s no use fighting it. I actually hate when people bring up “self-awareness” like it’s some big deal. Sit and think about yourself for awhile and you’ll figure it out. It’s not that hard. You should know yourself better than anyone else, and if you don’t, then something isn’t right.

I am stubborn beyond belief. I used to always put everyone else before myself until I found someone who was willing to put me first. Now I know there are times to be selfish. I don’t trust very easily and I don’t open up to just anyone. I can be completely cynical one second and a total optimist the next, but I always make sure to let my optimist side show more even if I’m secretly feeling negative. I’m growing up, but I’m still learning. And I know I’ll never get things “just right,” but for once in my life, i know that’s okay.

big things happening. better brace myself for more thinking.